Tag Archives: humor

I never get tired of this video.

This poor dog.

“The maple kind?”

“Yeah?  Yeah?”

“Awwwww . . . no! . . . you’re kidding me!”

“Yeah?  Yeah?”

“Covered it with what?”

Update: check out this link provided by Bill.  I’ve been taking ballroom dance lessons for 6 months but I think the dog is better than me.

Uh oh, a double dog dare!

I got this challenge on Facebook from a life-long friend.  He has a great sense of humor and thick skin, but sadly suffers from a debilitating case of Liberalism. Out of kindness, I gave him two chances to withdraw the dare, but he persisted (they are a stubborn lot!).

Neil, I dare you to post this on your blog. No, I double dog dare you. Zombies Walk The Halls Of Congress : NPR.

The article highlighted Democrats and Republicans who stayed in Congress after scandals.  I wonder why NPR didn’t go after examples like this more aggressively?  I mean, sweet Maxine is still there.  They could shine a bigger light on this one:

Other survivors? There’s Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA). During the fiscal meltdown, she arranged a meeting with the Treasury Department for a bank her husband owned stock in.

The article forgot to note that Republicans are more likely to resign and more likely to be pressured to resign from their party.  Then again, you can only be a hypocrite if you have standards to begin with.  Witness Chris Matthews’ claim that the real problem with Weiner is that “backwards” religious people disagree with his behavior — meaning that “progressive” people think there was nothing really wrong with a Congressman exposing himself to bribes and ridicule  in sending R- and X-rated pictures of himself to strangers and then lying to friends and enemies alike in a pathetic cover-up attempt.  His real crime was getting caught.  Hey, at least Matthews clearly reveals his “morality.”

Also note that the NPR article “forgot” to mention Bill Clinton staying in office after abusing his authority with an intern, exposing himself to the possibility of blackmail, trying to destroy her life (and he would have succeeded if not for the infamous dress) and lying under oath.  Yet while Nixon became synonymous with deception and scandal, Clinton’s punishment is making $100,000 per speech and having a wife who is Secretary of State.

Back to the dare: My friend’s premise was that I’d never post something from NPR that showed that they were balanced.  But the grand irony is if they were truly unbiased then he could send me their links all day, every day.  But as it is he found a token piece that was balanced and was so shocked and thrilled that he launched into his double dog dare without realizing that he was proving my point, not his.  

Whether NPR is biased or not (and of course they are wildly biased, or my extreme Liberal friend wouldn’t be such a loyal fan), they shouldn’t get government funding.

There you go, my friend.  Hope you’re happy!

Airline humor

Got this from a friend from church – enjoy!  I think all signs should aim to have humor wherever possible.

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously.  Check out their new livery!

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From the cockpit on KULULA.COM- South Africa’s Budget Airline
WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN’T FLY INTERNATIONALLY – WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR – SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg .
Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
——————————————————————–
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”
—o0o—
On another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
—-o0o—
On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
—-o0o—
“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”
—o0o—
“Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
—o0o—
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”
—o0o—
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as xxxx everything has shifted.”
—o0o—
From a Kulula employee: ” Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth .  To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”
—o0o—
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”
—o0o—
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”
—-o0o—
“Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”
—o0o—
“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses..”
—o0o—
And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”
—o0o—
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, “That was quite a bump and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault, it was the asphalt.”
—o0o—
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”
—o0o—
Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:  “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
—o0o—
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.  Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?”
“Why, no Ma’am,” said the pilot. “What is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land, or were we shot down?”
—o0o—
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal..”
—o0o—
Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”
—o0o—
Heard on a Kulula flight. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.”
—o0o—
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax.. OH, MY GOODNESS!” Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.  While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!” A passenger then yelled, “That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine!”

Roundup

I would add the following to the definition of the pink piece of the pie: “. . . after the patient nearly dies multiple times from all the misdiagnoses.”

Black tea partiers surprised to find they’re not “really” black — must see video!  The Left’s race-baiting and cries of “Uncle Tom” are nauseating.  But wait, all those black MSNBC anchors can’t be wrong . . .

University of Calgary students face expulsion for pro-life display

Super volcano photos!

A great list of abortion recovery ministries

If you are struggling after an abortion, there is help, hope, and healing for you.

If you feel guilt or shame, anger, confusion, are depressed, have suicidal thoughts, nightmares, increased drinking or drug use, or trouble bonding with subsequent children, please know you are not alone.

There are people all over the country that are waiting to offer you abortion recovery services. Here are just a few of them… [see the link]

The most important thing to realize is that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Others have traveled the path to find healing and you can, too.

If you are struggling, please reach out for help. We will share with you the same love and support we were offered.

1,000 Tea Party Protest: 0 Arrested… 1 Leftist SEIU [union] Protest: 25 Arrested — but the Tea Partiers are the violent ones, right?  HT: The Other McCain

The “tea partiers are scary and violent while Liberals are super-duper extra nice” meme is very compelling, provided that you only watch the mainstream media.  Remember quaint pictures like the one below?  Click here for lots more examples.

Dave Barry is still funny

Enjoy his year-end column here.  I didn’t realize he was still writing.  A few bits:

BAD NEWS: The economy remained critically weak, with rising unemployment, a severely depressed real-estate market, the near-collapse of the domestic automobile industry and the steep decline of the dollar.

GOOD NEWS: Windows 7 sucked less than Vista.

The No. 1 item on the agenda is fixing the economy, so the new administration immediately sets about the daunting task of trying to nominate somebody — anybody — to a high-level government post who actually remembered to pay his or her taxes. Among those who forgot this pesky chore is Obama’s nominee for Treasury secretary, Timothy Geithner, who sheepishly admits that he failed to pay $35,000 in federal self-employment taxes. He says that the error was a result of his using TurboTax, which he also blames for his involvement in an eight-state spree of bank robberies. He is confirmed after the Obama administration explains that it inherited the U.S. Tax Code from the Bush administration.

But the big political drama takes place in Washington, where David Souter announces that he is retiring from the Supreme Court because he is tired of getting noogies from Chief Justice Roberts. To replace Souter, President Obama nominates Sonia Sotomayor, setting off the traditional Washington performance of Konfirmation Kabuki, in which the Democrats portray the nominee as basically a cross between Abraham Lincoln and the Virgin Mary, and the Republicans portray her more as Ursula the Sea Witch with a law degree. Sotomayor will eventually be confirmed, but only after undergoing the traditional Senate Judiciary Committee hazing ritual, during which she must talk for four straight days without expressing an opinion.

In government news, top Washington thinkers, looking for a way to goose the economy along, come up with the “Cash for Clunkers” program, under which the federal government provides a financial inducement for people to take functional cars, which are mostly American-made, to car dealers, who deliberately destroy these cars and sell the people new replacement cars, which are mostly foreign-made. This program, which was budgeted for $1 billion, ends up costing $3 billion and is halted after a month. The administration declares that it has been a huge success, which everybody understands to mean that it will never, ever be repeated. With this mission accomplished, the top Washington thinkers are free to train all of their brainpower on the nation’s health-care system.

Dave forgot to mention that people later discovered that they had to pay taxes on the “benefit” of wildly over-paying for the new cars, because in a shocking maneuver the dealers dramatically reduced their mark-downs because of the increased demand for their same supply.  (Why can I teach the principles of supply and demand to 7th grade Junior Achievement classes in 30 minutes yet politicians can’t understand them ?)

On the environmental front, Copenhagen hosts a massive international conference aimed at halting manmade global warming, attended by thousands of delegates who flew to Denmark on magical carbon-free unicorns.

Hat tip: Lone Wolf Archer and Chuck (from Facebook)

I’m not a doctor, but I play one on my blog

spleenCountless bloggers have been amused by odd search engine queries that lead people to their sites.  My personal favorite is that when seeking information about spleens people sometimes end up at my Bad Spleen Joke of the Day post.

But what was most interesting is that a website called RightHealth had an informational page about spleens that linked to my site. 

While they may want to screen their links a bit more, I am glad that my blog can aid in the advancement of medicine.

Roundup

baby1.jpgPresident Obama is really bad at science.  He thinks that abortions don’t kill human beings.  He should check out secular embryology textbooks to see the scientific facts.  But why let pesky scientific facts get in the way of your worldview and your financial support?

Need a laugh?  I think you’ll get one from this list over at the Pugnacious Irishman’s place.  People took regular words from the dictionary, changed one letter, and made new definitions.  Samples:

Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Remember when the Left wanted to discredit and destroy Joe the Plumber over $1,200 of unpaid taxes?  Do you wonder why so many of Obama’s picks are tax cheats and are not getting roasted by the Dems?  Me too.  If only the media would have investigated Obama a fraction of the amount they did for Palin and Joe.

California can’t afford to pay its employees and is swimming in debt, but they can still afford to destroy human embryos for medical research and put up billboards pushing gay adoptions

The Human Rights Campaign Foundation has partnered with the California Department of Social Services and the Los Angeles County to promote a “Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Family” campaign that invites homosexuals, bisexuals and transsexuals to adopt children.

Oh, good, not just gays but bisexuals and transsexuals as well.  Their perversions know no bounds.

Weekly roundup

roundup.jpg The debate Richard Dawkins would like to forget.

Nancy Pelosi promised that the Democrats had a common sense plan to reduce gas prices.  They have gone up $1.18 since then.  McCain and the Congressional Republicans should send her a thank-you note.

She has also been running around with fake Bible quotes.  I’m used to politicians misquoting it, but making something up from scratch is less common.

A thorough review of Eckhart Tolle’s book (Oprah’s new religion)

According to Tolle, Jesus, like the Buddha, was an “early flower” in the evolution of human consciousness whose message was misunderstood and distorted (6). . . . Where Tolle got his “inside information” about a non-distorted version of Jesus’ message that predates this he unfortunately does not tell.

Yes, live in the now! But do it in loving relationship with God rather than by believing you are God.

10 ways Darwinists help Intelligent Design.  Thanks, guys!

Chelsea and the Red Dress Party – gotta read it to believe it.