Did you read about the woman who claims she found a ‘sign from God’ on Goldfish cracker?  It is another in a long and sad line of people allegedly finding signs of God, Jesus, Mary, etc. in all sorts of things.  And you can totally trust them, because in a world of trillions of items you’d never find something similar looking by accident, right?  And of course we know exactly what Jesus really looked like, so we can identify his image in grilled cheese sandwiches.

It’s a fishy story, but the woman telling it believes it’s pure gold. The Florida resident says the markings she found on a Goldfish cracker are a direct message affirming her Christian faith.

“I believe that it’s a sign, a sign from God,” Patti Burke told WKMG. “He is still in our life every day, and he wants to show that to his people.”

It’s not quite manna, but in Burke’s eyes it’s a manifestation of her faith.

The cracker in question has two markings, or imperfections, on its surface. Burke says the first marking is of a cross with a circle around it. The second marking, near the head of the fish, represents a golden crown.

“When I picked this one up, I knew he was special,” she said. “Something I’ve never seen before out of all the Goldfish I’ve eaten.”

I would love to know how much she reads the Bible. If she did she’d have all the assurance she needs of what God is really like and she’d realize that when He communicates to people He doesn’t do it via ambiguous messages in Goldfish crackers (did I really have to type that?!). She is obviously not well grounded in her faith and is “saved and confused” at best.

She is an extreme case, of course, and brings much mockery to the faith. So does her pastor who supported her publicly. But there is a lot of sloppy “God talk” that is just as fact-free as her foolishness, it just isn’t as obvious. The “God told me _____” phrase — unless followed by scripture, in context — is often tied to some sort of mischief. I read of one woman who opened an abortion clinic after seeing a “sign from God” on a bathroom wall. Seriously.

And while her situation is more extreme, is it really much different than what Rob Bell, the United Church of Christ or other false teachers claim when they say that “God is still speaking” and giving them new revelations?  (Uh, even though they didn’t believe him the first time and He just happens to be giving these revelations only to theological Liberals in the West, and even then He only does it roughly 15 minutes after the Pagans have figured it out.)

A big part of the problem is that there are too many Bible Cheerleaders who like all sorts of Facebook statuses about God, Jesus, the Bible, etc. but they don’t actually read the book.

Dear Christians, please-please-please read your Bibles carefully and think before you talk or type.  With effort I’ve gotten better at it over the years and I say fewer stupid things now.  Really, the system works.

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P.S. This portion of the main link wasn’t relevant to the post, but you can have fun making up punch lines.

Burke admittedly has been working from a large sample size, consuming between two and three pounds of the crackers per week. She says she eats the small crackers individually, examining each one for the optimal amount of savory coating.

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