When you are dealing with people who are overly polite* and won’t tell you what they really want to do (dinner location, what movie to watch, etc.) just try saying, “If I strapped a polygraph on you and asked you to give me your top three choices, what would they be?”
I have tried this a few times and it works perfectly. Seriously. The polite people will pause, as if to say, “Touche’. You got me.” Then they will tell you what they really wanted, because they don’t want to lie. But it seems that deep down they are happy, because they get what they wanted without having to appear selfish.
The system works.
I’m pretty sure that Miss Manners would love this idea.
* Full disclosure: I tend to be one of those overly polite people. Although I usually really don’t care. I usually use the “veto power” answer, and say, “I’ll eat anything except Thai or Indian food” then let the other people choose.