Sex is like duct tape

Work with me here, people.

The truth that people who have sex create a bond isn’t just biblical (“one flesh”), it is scientific.  Anyone supporting “comprehensive” sex education should be teaching this.

J. Budziszewski is a philosophy professor at the University of Texas.  He shares the following illustration, summarized well by Chuck Colson when describing Budziszewski’s book, Ask Me Anything: Provocative Answers for College Students:

My favorite question is why “sowing your wild oats” never works out the way it’s supposed to.  Sexuality, he says, is like duct tape. The first time you use it, it sticks you to whomever it touches. But just like that duct tape, if you rip it off and then touch it to someone else, it isn’t as sticky as it was before. So what happens when you pull it loose from one partner after another?  Budziszewski explains: You just don’t stick anymore, your sexual partners seem like strangers, and you stop feeling anything.

Ripping the duct tape off is extremely painful as well, especially the first time – just as the break-up of a sexual relationship can be more painful than a regular one.  It may seem progressively easier to “tear off” with subsequent partners, but you can’t make it stick on command when you finally decide to commit.

Here’s an article from the Boundless Webzine that describes it in more detail.

“But how do you know if you have a commitment?” he asked.

“Easy,” I said. “If you’re married, you’ve got one. If you’re not married, you don’t.”

Science confirms that this isn’t just a clever illustration.  Consider oxytocin, a chemical that, among other things, encourages bonding of mates.  More about it here.  It is no wonder why people form sexual addictions and why encouraging people to experiment with any sexual behavior will lead to problems.

Do these “experts” pushing to normalize fornication and homosexuality not understand the psychological and physiological implications of such behavior?  Or is the problem that they understand them too well?  Teaching the sex without consequences myth (“just use condoms and everything will be ok!”) is cruel and stupid.

I like this duct tape example because it is provocative, accurate and helpful in exposing the lies of the sex-as-recreation crowd.  Regardless of what Planned Parenthood and the rest tell you, sex outside of a one man, one woman marriage will always hurt you.  No amount of birth control and abortions can change that.

This concept is right out of the Bible:

1 Corinthians 6:16-18 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”  But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.  Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

Once again, God’s way is the best way.  When God described the union of a man and a woman as “one flesh,” He meant it.  You become one.  When your flesh is joined and you tear it apart it will be extremely painful.

Yet as He shows again and again, redemption and healing are possible with him.  He loves to forgive and help people out of bondage.  Today is a great day to stop the cycle and educate people about the truth.  Here’s a book designed to help (I haven’t read it but heard the author on a radio show) – The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free from Your Sexual Past.

Note: This is a somewhat edited repeat from 2008.

14 thoughts on “Sex is like duct tape”

  1. To add to the fun, sexual freedom might have a much higher cost in the future:

    This will represent a serious challenge to progressive values. The only sane recommendation is to reduce risk by adopting more conservative behavior. Instead, they will likely push for increased condom use despite the fact that condom use is already heavily promoted and will likely not reduce risk at all. But I suspect the ideology of the sexual freedom narrative will triumph over better health. Better more people get sick then tell people sexual freedom so strongly promoted by progressives might have negative real world consequences.


    1. Hi Mark — I was glad to see some Bible-believers comment there. Anything the HuffPo does on religion is highly likely to be false, and this was no exception. He made a couple valid points then pretended that the Bible isn’t clear about God’s ideal for marriage.


    2. I read the story, I agree with Neil that it was good to see the Christian posts. Its the first time I ever looked at the Huffington Post and I was sad to see so many people who are so blind and so deaf.

      It did remind me of a wedding ceremony I went to recently. The pastor charged the congregation that they were witnesses to the ceremony and called to do everything in their power to help the marriage prosper for that is why they were there as witnesses. And if any witness saw one of the couple behaving in a way harmful to the marriage we were obligated to confront them and help them any way we could. I hope I can live up to my obligation and I wish I heard that at more weddings.


  2. Believing that condoms and abortions make everything okay just isn’t anti-Christian; it’s anti-evolution (or any sensible version thereof). Prior to the 20th century, pregnancy meant nine months of morning sickness, gradual diminishment of physical ability, then a baby who would take years and years to raise. Without modern medicine, pregnancy also entails a high risk for a woman.

    How does that not point to chastity until marriage being the most sensible idea for us? Obviously, our wiring doesn’t change because the Pill was introduced, evolutionarily, about a half-second ago.

    Ripping the duct tape off is extremely painful as well, especially the first time – just as the break-up of a sexual relationship can be more painful than a regular one.

    Sorry for the girl talk, and obviously nothing against any of the women involved, but… I’ve noticed that my girl friends whose boyfriends break up with them, when sex was involved, get a LOT crazier than those who weren’t sleeping with their boyfriends. Long relationship, short relationship, it doesn’t matter.


      1. Had you never seen Fatal Attraction? 🙂 Anyone think that Glenn Close’s character would have gone bunny-boiler if the affair were limited to dinner and a kiss?*

        Okay, I haven’t seen Fatal Attraction, but I’ve heard about it, and some of my girl friends really remind me of everything I’ve heard about that movie. Then they wonder how I manage break-ups without wanting the guy to die… and it’s like, what am I supposed to say? “You would be hurt and sad and miss him and miss the relationship and cry a lot, but be fundamentally okay, too, if you also didn’t sleep with the men you date”? Care to ask the gorgeous Mrs. Simpson what she would say?


      2. Had you never seen Fatal Attraction? 🙂 Anyone think that Glenn Close’s character would have gone bunny-boiler if the affair were limited to dinner and a kiss?*

        Great point, hadn’t thought about that! Yes, revenge is likely to increase dramatically once sex is involved.

        We saw that in the theater in 1987 the year after we were married. I remember thinking that it should be part of all pre-marital counseling programs. Other than the stereotypical horror flick not-as-dead-as-you-thought ending I thought it showed some natural and logical consequences to bad behavior.

        Mrs. Simpson would agree with you, btw!


  3. I have been using this illustration with my high school class since I first read it. Along with statistics about divorce and abuse (those statistics have been around a lot longer than many people think, by the way).

    The thing that bothers me is that when kids enter my class as freshman they almost unanimously think it would be stupid not to live together before marriage. Sad to say, I don’t manage to convince all of them, but I have had some successes.

    The biggest problem I am seeing with graduates is too much drinking leading to sex they never would have been involved in when they were sober. I am seeing this especially in Christian colleges, go figure.


    1. Blessings to you for speaking the truth to those kids. Sad to hear about the drinking in Christian colleges, but not surprising. Mind-altering substances make us much more likely to believe lies, which is why Satan’s world loves to promote them.


  4. I don’t know, Neil. It sounds like you’re the sex-Nazi that this dude Jim always talks about. “No sex for you”

    Actually, he’s an idiot. He can’t seem to understand that when someone speaks of virtue and morality, it is a hope and encouragement that more people will take the initiative and act like moral and virtuous people. It’s not an attempt to force anyone into chastity.


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