What if Christianity started this way?

An Alternative Christian History is a provocative way to look at the religion of peace:

Christ receives messages from God and travels to Jerusalem to preach his revelations. He is rejected by the religious establishment and forced to leave the city. He takes up his new residence in Bethlehem and through his preaching succeeds in creating a large loyal following.

He sustains this new movement by raiding passing caravans and — after receiving special divine dispensation — beheading the defenders. He then marries several wives, including — after receiving special divine dispensation — a nine year old girl. Next, he raises an army and attacks Jerusalem where, after putting all of his enemies to the sword, he succeeds in capturing the city.

His new found religion flourishes and after many bloody wars spreads over the entire geographical area. He dies. There ensues a violent dispute over the succession between Saint Peter and Saint Paul. Saint Paul is assassinated and his followers go into exile. Saint Peter is proclaimed to be Jesus’ legitimate successor.

Several generations pass and eventually the Pauline exiles find a new leader in Saint Jerome. Under his inspired leadership they rise up and attack Jerusalem. They lose the battle and Saint Jerome is beheaded. The Jeromists become a persecuted minority within Christianity and spend the next fourteen centuries plotting their revenge. Their symbol is the severed head of Saint Jerome.

This religion is known the world over as The Religion of Peace.

7 thoughts on “What if Christianity started this way?”

  1. “He married a 6-year-old girl, but did not consummate the relationship until she was 9. That wasn’t because of any special kindness, but because she was ill.”

    Whew, thanks for clearing that up. I thought he was a slimeball for a second 🙂

    Like

  2. I follow most of the story, but my knowledge of Islam is limited. If i read this completely as analogies, there is someone in Islam who is “comparable” to St. Paul, Peter and Jerome?

    I get that Jesus is analogous to Mohammed. (I think)

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s